Artemis Fowl
by lilshinigami1215
Summary: Artemis and Lily are very close, so close that Angeline F. decides to demand Butler to keep and eye on them, what else could go wrong?


**_Artemis Fowl_**

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl, nope, I don't own, if I did, I'd have a genius at my disposal MUAHAHAHAHA! Ahem, okay, so I don't or I would be ruling the world, which at this moment I AM NOT. No suing! Thanks. Lily is MY character, that's why she doesn't have a last name. I know there is a Lili F. listed in the character selection option, but no, it's LILY, not Lili

Lilshinigami1215: The following events are taken directly out of Artemis Fowl. Well, some of it. To leave the credit of writing the book to Eoin Colfer, I will place these copied events in **bold**.

**

* * *

Holly slipped the Neutrino 2000 into its holster. **

"**That's right, Mud Boy. Playtime's over. Time for the professionals to take over. If you're a good boy I'll buy you a lollipop when I come back."**

**And when Holly was long gone, soaring beneath the hallway's ancient oak beams, Artemis said, "I don't like lollipops."**

"I do," said Lily. Artemis glanced at her. Lily smiled at him. Artemis said nothing his pale face becoming paler as he felt the tremors of something busting through the front door. Lily threw her hands around Artemis' neck and began to cry,

"What's happening?" Artemis frowned and told Lily to loosen her grip on his neck. She did. Artemis then proceeded to contact Butler.

"**Butler? Pick up."**

**It was Artemis, on the handheld. Butler jiggled his sister up a foot so he could reach his belt. **

"**Lollipops!" barked his employer.**

"**Say again. I thought you said—" **

"**Eh…I mean, get out of there. Take cover! Take cover!"**

"Artemis?"

Artemis turned to face Lily, "Is there something you want to ask me?"

Lily nodded uncertainly, "Can I have the lollipop?"

Artemis frowned inwardly, "No, there is no lollipop."

"No lollipop?" Lily stammered.

Artemis shook his head and grabbed Lily's hand, leading her away.

* * *

"**Now, we should celebrate," enthused Artemis, deftly changing the subject. "Some champagne, I think."**

**The boy strode to the kitchen before Butler's gaze could dissect him.**

**By the time the others caught up, Artemis had already filled **four **glasses with Dom Perignon.**

"**I'm a minor, I know but I'm sure Mother wouldn't mind. Just this once."**

Lily stared at the champagne and grimaced in disgust, "I can't drink this."

Artemis pulled Lily aside as Butler and Juliet stomached the substance, "Just drink it."

Lily eyed Artemis warily but she obeyed and swiftly gulped down the champagne.

**

* * *

Artemis could hear a voice calling his name. There was a face behind the voice, but it was blurred, hard to make out. His father, perhaps? **

**"Father?" The word was strange in his mouth. Unused. Rusty. Artemis opened his eyes.**

**Butler was leaning over him. "Artemis. You're awake."**

**"Ah, Butler. It's you."**

**Angeline Fowl descended, one hand resting lightly on the banister. Artemis had forgotten how graceful his mother was. Her bare feet skipped over the carpeted steps and soon she was standing before him.**

"**Morning, darling," she said brightly, as though it were just another day.**

"**M-Mother,"stammered Artemis.**

"**Well, give me a hug."**

**Artemis stepped into his mother's embrace. It was warm and strong. She was wearing perfume. He felt like the boy he was.**

"And what is this supposed to be?" Angeline said, pulling herself out of her son's embrace and gesturing at the body that still lay on the floor.

"Lily!" Artemis gasped, running toward the unconscious body the girl.

Lily opened her eyes, yawning, "Arty?"

Artemis sighed; she was awake, "Yes?"

"I," Lily began.

"What is it?"

"I want a lollipop."

Artemis blanched, "I don't have any of….those."

Lily sat up, rubbing her forehead, "I'm dizzy Arty, what happened."

Artemis was at a loss of words, something that didn't happen very often, in fact, it hadn't happened before. Shocking.

Butler stepped in to save his employer, "You hit your head."

The simple statement saved Artemis as Lily nodded.

"Hello!" Angeline said cheerfully.

Lily smiled politely, stood up, and curtsied, "Good morning Mrs. Fowl."

"Why how polite!" Angeline giggled, "What a nice young lady."

Artemis nodded, finding new interest in a dirty spot on the ground.

"Why don't you two go get a lollipop," Artemis' mother suggested.

Artemis' head snapped up, "I don't like lollipops."

"Well it wouldn't hurt to accompany this nice young lady to get one," Angeline Fowl stated.

Artemis nodded.

"Besides dear, you could use some friends."

Butler stifled a chuckle, as did Juliet, who somehow, just happened to awake and fall of the sofa she had been placed on.

"What's so funny?" Angeline demanded to know.

Artemis, though embarrassed, spoke up, pulling his mother aside for a private chat, "Well mother, you see, Lily and I are well we're…"

Angeline nodded, "I see."

* * *

So Artemis and Lily set off for the candy shop, armed with pockets full of change. The two of the walked away from Fowl Manor, hand in hand. The silence between the two of them was filled with the sound of chirping birds and Artemis, usually accustomed to silence attempted to break the ice, "Lily?" 

"Hm?" said the silent girl.

"Is something bothering you?"

Lily shook her head.

Artemis continued, unwilling to give up, "Are you sure?"

Lily stopped and looked the criminal mastermind right in the eye, "You sure are talking a lot today, I'm afraid I think that in fact, something is bothering _you_."

Artemis paled considerably.

Lily chuckled, "You need to get out more. You're paler than a ghost!"

"You know that ghosts don't exist," Artemis mused.

"Look the candy shop!" Lily cried, tightening her grip on Artemis' hand and dragging him toward the cheering looking shop.

* * *

Meanwhile, not so far behind, Butler followed his employer and his employer's sweetheart. He knew he wasn't supposed to let Artemis out of his sight and quickly ran to catch up to the pair as Lily began dragging Artemis away. He stopped outside the candy shop, thinking that it would be better if he left the two children alone, for the rarely were together alone.

* * *

Artemis felt as if someone were watching him, he turned around as Lily dragged him into the overly decorated shop front. Not a person in sight. Butler had quickly dived into a pile of bushes when he noticed the Artemis Fowl seemed to be turning his head. Making sure that Artemis was no longer watching, Butler made his way to the door. He watched from the doorway. Lily gazed at the shelves so piled with candy. She dragged Artemis to each end of the shop, pointing out candies that she loved. Butler sniggered as he saw Artemis Fowl Junior approach the counter, reached into a jar and pulled out several colorful lollipops. Lily pounced on his hand, ridding him of the lollipops. Eyeing them, she frowned and handed the purple one back to Artemis, "I want a green one." 

Artemis nodded, unable to deny the girl's request. He reached into the jar and pulled out another.

Lily smiled at Artemis as he handed her the candy on a stick.

Butler chuckled as he snapped a picture of the pair, "Gotcha."

"I wonder if they have any jelly beans," Lily mused.

Artemis paled considerably, "Jelly beans?"

Lily nodded, "What? You don't know what they are?"

Artemis shook his head.

Lily waggled a finger at him, "I know you don't like sweets but at least respect my love for them!"

Artemis bowed his head, "Sorry Lily."

She smiled and wandered of to the other end of the shop in search for jelly beans. Spotting the jelly bean section, she quickly grabbed a box.

Artemis slowly followed his girlfriend, examining the different types of candies.

Lily bounced back to his side, "What are you doing?"

Artemis frowned, "What is a Skittle?"

The little girl giggled.

"This makes absolutely no sense! How in the world can you 'Taste the rainbow'?" Artemis cried.

Lily smiled, "Come on, you're Artemis Fowl, I bet you could do it."

Artemis smiled at this simple compliment.

Lily suddenly gasped and sped off to some far off corner in the shop, "Gummi bears!"

Butler nonchalantly entered the shop.

"Butler, what are you doing here?" Artemis said.

"You know very well that I'm not to leave your side, Artemis," Butler replied.

Artemis nodded, he'd forgotten that.

Lily bounded up to the counter to place her giant mass of different candies in front of the cashier and pay for them.

Artemis handed her a considerable amount of cash after seeing all the things piled up on the counter, "How are you going to carry that home?"

Lily smiled, "I'm not, you are…you will, won't you?"

Artemis faltered, "Eh…okay."

Lily pecked him on the cheek, causing his cheek to change quite a few colors.

Butler sighed, "How cute, our Master Fowl concerning himself with the heavy burden his dear Lily needs to carry."

Artemis instantly became defense, "Hey! No one calls Lily dear but me!"

Lily and Butler stared at the young master of the Fowl Manor, "What?"

"I meant that Lily and I should go home now," Artemis said.

"Why?" Lily grumbled, pouting, "I want to go to the ice cream parlor.

"I-Ice cream parlor?" Artemis stuttered, his hatred for sweets taking over him.

"What's wrong Arty?" Lily asked, worried.

Artemis shook his head. The ice cream parlor frightened him with all of its colorfully striped walls and swivel chairs that looked like peppermint seats.

Lily waved a hand in front of Artemis' blank face, "Arty?"

Artemis started, "I refuse to go."

Lily tightened her grip on Artemis' arm and proceeded to drag him to her destination.

"No! Lily! Let me go!" Artemis screeched, flailing his arms, of course this kind of behavior would seem quite bizarre coming from Artemis Fowl, but let's not talk about that.

Lily stopped, dropping Artemis unceremoniously onto the ground.

Artemis stood up and dusted the small itsy bitsy dirt particles of his nice clean suit.

"I'll share a triple scoop ice cream with you," Lily taunted.

Artemis sighed, how could he resist, Lily was his best friend, his girlfriend in fact, but not only did she refuse to leave him alone most of the time, she insisted on accompanying him to the most dangerous parts of the world, what a gal.

Artemis grabbed Lily's hand, "All right, let's go."

Butler watched the two children walk off toward the ice cream parlor, smiling evilly; he followed them, camera on hand.

* * *

Angeline Fowl was worried about her son, she had told Butler that she believed that Artemis was to young to have a girlfriend, he was twelve for god sake's, "Butler, I believe that my dear Arty is too young for a girlfriend, it's not that I don't like her, but my little Arty is only twelve for god's sake!" 

Butler could not say that he disagreed and thus promptly agreed, "I believe so."

Angeline Fowl was not one to come up with devious plans but she could not take in the fact that her little Arty was dating at such an early age.

Butler agreed with Angeline Fowl, I mean, what could he do, he was only the bodyguard, and Angeline Fowl was his employer's mother.

* * *

Here he was, spying on his on employer, what kind of bodyguard was he, Butler sighed, Artemis' mother had instructed that he would be sneaking after Artemis; it was all right if Artemis saw him since he probably wouldn't suspect anything, well, hopefully. 

Butler followed Artemis and Lily quickly, not wanting to lose sight of them.

"I want you to keep an eye on Arty, if that Lily-girl tries anything, bash her head in!" Angeline had screeched.

Butler gasped, what was he going to tell Artemis' mother, it wasn't Lily that was putting the moves on Artemis, but the exact opposite.

Artemis reached over and grabbed Lily's hand as they sat down.

The next few seconds shocked Butler for what he had witnessed was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Artemis… licked the ice cream.

What do I do, Butler thought, his orders had been to bash in Lily's head if she was putting moves on Artemis, but Artemis was the one putting the moves on Lily. Am I supposed to bash Artemis' head, Butler thought. He shook his head, it was a wild thought, a crazy one, he was definitely going insane. "It's the fairy incident," he whispered to no one in particular.

"Why hello Butler, want some ice cream?"

Artemis' voice startled Butler, "Master Fowl."

"Talking to yourself I presume?" Artemis chuckled.

Butler turned beet red.

Artemis turned to the girl beside him, "We should go home."

Lily nodded.

Artemis lifted up the heavy bag of sweets that Lily had acquired earlier and the two of them headed home.

* * *

The dark room frightened him but he stepped in anyway. "Why isn't her head bashed in?" Angeline Fowl asked. 

Butler began his defense, "You don't understand Madam Fowl, she didn't do anything to Artemis, in fact, I'm afraid to say it, but it is Artemis that is the one putting the moves down."

* * *

Angeline found herself in the garden, muttering angrily about the way things had turned out. 

Artemis sat beside Lily, her feet dangling into the small pond located in their garden.

Angeline stared at the two figures in front of her, Artemis sat with his arm wrapped around Lily.

"Lily?" Artemis began.

Angeline Fowl held her breath.

"Yes?" Lily said, turning to face Artemis.

Artemis kissed Lily, it was their first kiss should I dare say, directly on the lips.

Angeline Fowl nearly fainted, what Butler said had been true, "What kind of unfathomable macrocosm have I transported to?"

Artemis pulled away from Lily and turned to face his mother, "M-Mother?"

Angeline pointed an accusing finger at Lily, "Stop hanging around that little prick, she's the devil!"

Artemis stood up, "I disagree Mother, I've seen this movie called "Waterboy" and Bobby's mother too believed that everything was the devil and yet she realized that these supposedly 'devilish' things were not harmful to him at all, thus, I concur that Lily and I should be left alone, she's a little girl, what could a little girl do to a genius like me."

Lily frowned, "That's not fair Arty, I could do a lot of things to you, like this."

Artemis fell flat on his bottom and began to notice the water seeping through his pants.

Angeline grimaced, "You little devil!"

"Arty," Lily whispered, "You're mother hates me."

Artemis patted the little girl's head, "I think that we've had enough adventure for today, go home and get some rest."

"I can't," Lily answered quickly.

Artemis stared at her quietly, "Why not?"

"My house blew up," Lily stated bluntly.

Artemis' eyebrow arched slightly, "It blew up?"

Lily nodded, eyes wide with innocence.

Artemis sighed, "I suppose it would be all right with Mother if you stayed."

* * *

And after an immense amount of shouting, screaming, violence and chaos, Lily was permitted to stay at Fowl Manor. However, no one came out of that incident without landing themselves in the hospital.

* * *

Artemis: You followed me… 

Butler: My deepest apologies Artemis

Angeline: No you are not, you are not sorry!

Artemis: Lily?

Lily: Hm?

Angeline: The devil! Ah!

Butler: …

Artemis: …

Lily: …

Angeline: …what?

Artemis:…

Lily: … mothers…

Lilshinigami1215: All right! And that's a wrap! Thanks for reading, reviews would be greatly appreciated, but I warn you, if you don't Artemis will come and get you! Wait.. I don't own Artemis Fowl, NOOOO! Well, if you liked this story, please wait for more upcoming ones of Artemis and his bestest buddy Lily! ( yes, I know bestest is not a word)

Artemis: You're weird

Lilshinigami1215: I am not!

Artemis: …..

Lilshinigami1215: ….

Artemis: You are weird.

Lilshinigami1215: I AM NOT!

Artemis: ….

Lilshinigami1215: ….

Artemis: All right then…

Lilshinigami1215: You'll stop calling me 'weird'

Artemis: Why not, I'll stop... You're queer

Lilshinigami1215: --


End file.
